My dearest ladies and gents,
Welcome to the recipe section of
The Quibbler.
The potion we're about to make
Is good for your home cannery
It's something that you've never seen
In your entire life-spannery
You'll find it very useful for
Your dragon-leather tannery
It makes disgusting sycophants
Both well-to-do and mannerly.
It's the greatest potion of them all
It replenishes your bile and gall
You'll be held within a thrall
With the Magic Cure It Do It All!
(Tis the greatest potion of them all
Replenishes both bile and gall
You'll be held within a thrall
With Magic Cure It Do It All)
The ingredients as follows now
The method, and the where and how
The why and which and what to do
If in the course of making it,
You accidentally lose a shoe--
But for the potion, gather round
A length of your best boyhood string,
A pint of dark brown ale, a pound
Of limbas grass, a hornet's wing
In the cauldron over low heat
Stir these things to a quicker beat
Than you would find in trot or waltz
And halfway through add bathing salts
Shred your snakeskin nice and long
Dissect the liver of a goat
Hum an upbeat, happy song
And remove a green frog's throat.
Let this simmer fifteen days
You'll know it by the sickly haze
That fills the room, that's the first phase
Of Dr Quibbler's magical, mystical and wonderful
Masterful, disasterful Magic Cure It Do It All!
(Of Dr Quibbler's magical, mystical and wonderful
Masterful, disasterful Magic Cure It Do It All!)
Add boomslang skin and ginger and the tail of a unicorn
Add beetle's eyes and half a pinch of Crumpled Snorkack's mystic horn
Finely ground, and on the side chop mandrake root until it dies
Add just enough until the steam remsembles mandrake's fatal cries
You're almost done, and oh what fun you'll have when you've had just a sip
Of Dr Quibbler's magical, hysterical, empirical
Insuperable, incomparable,
Beautiful, unstoppable
Masterful, disasterful
Magic Cure It Do It All!
(Of Dr Quibbler's magical, mystical and wonderful
Masterful, disasterful Magic Cure It Do It All!)
Toss in a handful earwig dust
Three fairy's eyes, two dragon teeth
Until the whole thing smells of must
You must let it gently seethe
Remove from heat immediately
And take it to the coldest spot
Which you can reasonably reach,
And there you have it, to the jot!
The fanciful, romancible
Chanceable and danceable
Appalling and enthralling
Magic Cure It Do It All!
(It's Dr Quibbler's magical, mystical and wonderful
Masterful, disasterful Magic Cure It Do It All!)
It's the greatest potion of them all
It replenishes your bile and gall
You'll be held within a thrall
With the Magic Cure It Do It All!
(Tis the greatest potion of them all
Replenishes both bile and gall
You'll be held within a thrall
With Magic Cure It Do It All)
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